"Coping" Saves Lives!

No really, coping does save lives!

Look! That stuff around the edge of the pool is called coping and by pulling yourself up and out of the water you can save your life!

On a different note... when properly coping with family life stresses you can save your life!

We have all had family stresses such as a baby being born, a new job, moving into a new house, or into a different school. We have also had stresses such as cancer in the family, a tragic accident, death, or unfortunate event. Some family members may even have addictions such as alcohol, drug, or other emotional and physical illnesses.

Have you ever had a stress-or in your family life that you just didn't think you could handle?

You were literally at all ends trying to find a positive light, but just thought this was the most horrible thing... I'll never get over this?

Chinese letters impose a new way of looking at things!

In Chinese, the word "crisis" means danger and opportunity!

These tragic life events are dangerous and scary :( but, with them comes opportunity. Opportunity for what? Growth maybe, or to strengthen other family bonds... the opportunities are endless!!!

IF, yes, IF...

We do all we can to cope.

The best way to cope is when family members change how they value and see things.

Let's go back to the ABC's! Actually, ABC... X!

A is for Actual event

B is for Both resources and responses

C is for Cognitions

When you add all of these up... you get the

Total eXperience

This is called the ABCX model.

In any stressful event or crisis we cannot control parts A and B which is the actual event, resources we have, and responses we get.

The only thing we can control is the way we think about the crisis. 

I have found that:

The cognition of compassion creates the best experience.

Now this can be quite a comforting thought... that we can control how the crisis will be! If we want it to be a positive experience, we cognitively think positive about it or vice-versa.

One of the hardest family stressors my parents, Angela, and I had was when my grandmother (mom's mom) had dementia and then Alzheimer's disease. 

A - My mother became her (grandmother with Alzheimer's disease) caretaker within our home.

B- Our resources came from Medicare and other financial resources. My mother also taught herself from doctors and books or the internet about Alzheimer's disease and how we could help her and our family stay strong.

C- Our thoughts varied day by day... it was hard! Some days it was doable and not too bad. Other times we all would be fighting because of our selfish wants not being met or patience running thin. This was indeed very stressful for my mother as well, but I think since she kept her thoughts toward the Lord. The 

eXperience was easier than it would have been otherwise.