The "Dating" Phenomenon

So, you meet this amazing person and the attraction is definitely there. 

You approach them (as casually as you possibly can, though your heart nearly leaps out at them) and you get to know them.

What's the best way to get to know them?

DATING!

Yes, "that".

Though I know it's going out of style and hanging out seems to be the new norm these days... dating is still proven to be the best way to really get to know someone.

Since this "dating" may seem like a foreign concept... let me explain :)

What is dating?

Dating is being:

• Paired off - I take you and you come with me
• Paid for - guys you know what I'm talking about
• Planned - preferably public outings and family dates

Yupp! It's as simple as that.

These attributes that constitute the dating culture ultimately help encourage guys to exercise their future responsibilities as fathers and husbands. 

Three main responsibilities for men are to protect, provide, and preside.

When being paired off, the men protect the lady.

When the guys pay up they are exercising their ability to provide.

When the date is planned it shows the lady how the man can preside. Presiding also positively shows respect and leadership. (BONUS!)

Dates can be super fun and a great way to get to know someone! 

The best dates are those which are "recreational".

Recreation means - "to recreate"

That's why it's so important after marriage to keep dating the love of your life. So that memories can be recreated and cherished forever.

Recreation is also the perfect way to observe how your date reacts to certain situations either to you or their environment.

Trying a variety of activities that you wouldn't normally do can be fun and a vital learning opportunity for the both of you.

The next time you want to get to know that totally awesome person and you ask yourself whether you should just casually hang out or face your fears and take a leap of faith in asking that person on a date... DATE! 

I can't promise you won't be rejected, but the benefits from

dating a variety of people and doing a variety of activities is for sure the 

most beneficial way of truly getting to know you and that person.

CAUTIONS!

When you're on these dates and getting to know this fantastic person is going swell... please please please use this meter in your relationship.

The first step to beginning a relationship is to truly, deeply KNOW the person. This knowing should always be higher than how much you TRUST that individual. 

If you trust a random person with your car (more than you know them) then who will be blamed if they steal it?

So often we trust someone we barely know with personal issues or our heart and they end up breaking it because we just didn't know them and that they wouldn't.

How much we RELY on that person should always be less than how much we TRUST them.

The next step is how much you COMMIT to them. 

For example, if you commit to someone sooner than when you really trust them and know them or even rely on them... I'm going to tell you that disaster is most likely to occur. 

Finally, you should TOUCH less than and later than when you COMMIT to that person.

In our culture especially, there seems to be this trend of getting to know someone for a little while and then jumping into commitment before you even truly know and trust them. Or we get caught up in the physical attraction and turn up the meter on the touch dial. This automatically turns up some of the other dials as an illusion. When touching someone intimately, we trick ourselves into thinking we really know that person because we feel attached and close. It's sad, I know, but it's an illusion. 

Same-sex Attraction is Not Because of the Sex...it's the Intimacy

Dear California, 

I don't understand you.

Sincerely, 

Most likely not just me

Did you know?!

In the state of California it's illegal for therapists to help people

under age 18 with same-sex attraction...

yes, even when they are the ones who want help!

If the therapist helps that person, they will lose their license.

Am I the only one who thinks this is messed up?

The complicated topic of same gender attraction is a touchy subject.

This week I got to take a look on a couple theories on why same gender attraction is prevalent in our day.

Some argue that people are "born this way" and others believe it's a choice.

We got to dig in much deeper and look at some psychological and physiological theories on why people claim to be attracted to the opposite sex.

It's not hard to think of the socially acceptable and divine roles each gender had. 

Men have behavioral tendencies to be aggressive, spatial, and task orientated. Women tend to be relationship based, emotional, and communicative. 

Specific main roles for men are to protect, provide, and preside. The female's main roles are to nurture and serve others compassionately.

We all know young boys who like to play with the socially unacceptable baby doll or the girls who would rather play with trucks.

Usually we think the girls are just Tom boys and they will eventually grow out of it. But, more concern is for the young boys.

Males with inborn characteristics that seem womanly, like creativeness or sensitivity, grow up playing with the girls because they are accepted by them. The other boys see them as feminine or queer. At such a young age, the young boy is taught socially by his peers that he is different and gay. 

When changes start to take place and maturation occurs, the other boys start to long for the opposite gender. They see them as different and they start acting different around them. 

The boy who has always been close to girls (because he wasn't accepted by the guys) also changes, but since he is comfortable around girls so naturally he may start to long for intimacy (not necessarily sexual intimacy) with the same gender.

This is just one of the theories of how those who think of themselves as gay, did not necessarily "choose" it, but were not "born this way".

My Best Friend :)

In seventh grade I met my best friend, Vala. She came here with her mother from Russia when she was seven years old when her mother married her step-dad. 

It was somewhat different having a Russian best friend. I mean, the biggest difference was her family dynamics and adjustment to the American lifestyle. 

As her best friend, I got to experience some differences as well.

• I got to try Russian foods when I went to her house 

• The conversations between her and her mother were always in Russian, so I would have no clue what they were saying

• Some holidays are really important in Russia, so sometimes instead of spending time with her friends (like most Americans would do) she would take time to be with her family

• I got used to her families mannerisms and beliefs

There was some adjusting on my part... but just think about her family!

This week in my Family Relations class, we had the opportunity to discuss culture within families. Usually we think of culture pertaining to different nationality, this isn't always the case, though it was the case for Vala. In class we also got to look at a family from Mexico who decided to leave their family behind, cross the border, and try to make their way in the American society. I've never really thought about how hard it would be on each family member for their father to leave Mexico in attempt to establish a more secure future for his kids.

I couldn't help but think of Vala and her mom coming over from Russia. Family is really important in the Russian culture. Every one in the family works together and works really hard to help each other. Vala's mom has a twin sister and other family there that she left. She misses them and though she is able to talk to them on the phone, emotionally it is hard. Vala's mother used to be work with children as kind of a pediatrician. Now, she can't get a job like that without going to college for many years. Her husband is financially secure since he's been working for Boeing for many years but still, she has expressed her concern for wanting a job like she used to have in Russia. Everything here is better like her living conditions. But, it is extremely hard to make American friends. Since Vala's mother is very stressed and sometimes unhappy living here, and Vala has made her adjustments to living in America, there are disagreements that come along.

Now that I see how much the family can be affected with moving into a different country (culture), I have gained a better appreciation for not having to move at all.

Maybe if we all could take a look at the lives of the immigrants we are neighbors with and tried to have compassion on their families, their lives could be a bit happier :)

Theories Help Us Understand

In order to understand how families operate, this week in class we got to discuss a few theories that help us explain how the family works and even help predict what the family will do.

Family Systems Theory: This theory is most often used within therapy sessions. The idea is that the family unit works as a whole. A problem that arises is not just one persons fault, but most likely a combination of family influences. Therapists like to look at how the family as a whole is influenced.

Exchange Theory: 

In relationships, we like to keep our costs lower than the rewards. Such as when all we do in any type of relationship is give, give, give... and we receive no gratification or appreciation, then we tend to burn out and the relationship may seem dysfunctional.

Symbolic Interaction Theory: This theory focuses on the idea that each family member is influenced by their interaction experiences. Culture has huge influence on the family and how they interact with one another!

Example: A man hates marriage and focuses primarily on a college degree. Soon after he falls in love and is a wonderful, devoted husband. His view on marriage has totally changed.

Conflict Theory: As the family struggles through conflicts, they are changed and deferentially characterized.

Example: The lack of money may cause conflict within the family. The relationships and dynamics change.

What theory can best describe your family?

In my family I can see mostly the family systems theory, conflict theory, and the symbolic interaction theory. In my personal relationships, I have seen some of the exchange theory.

Since many of my family members practice the LDS faith, I can see how it's principles shape who we are, what we believe, and how we interact with other family members. This makes me think of the symbolic interaction theory. Culturally, we see things a bit differently than others and that is what makes our family act a certain way.

When conflicts arise, such as contrary choices are made then parents would suggest, I notice that either the behavior, stops, escalates, or slightly deflates. The relationships can become strained or grow stronger after conflicts are resolved or put on the shelf.

Some Advice: Have Kids.

I've got a little true and false statement for you!

The world is over populated; couples should not have more than one or two children!

And the answer is...

Dun... dun dun!

FALSE!

Yes, it's true! That statement is false!

The commandment to multiply and replenish the earth is still applicable to our day.

In the June Ensign of 1975, President Spencer W. Kimball reminded couples to have as many children as the Lord would have them. Though it's a sacrifice, the Lord will provide a way. It is essential that as many spirits that may come, should come into a righteous home that teaches the ways of God.

Before 1975, there was actually an increase of the fertility rate (around 3 children) because of the baby boom generation. The effects of this boom were about the age of teenagers and older. 

The widespread influential book, "The Population Bomb" warned of the theory of the Earth being over populated and all the negative effects from over population. (1968)

Fun fact: Though the population of the world has increased in since the 1950's from around 3 billion something to 7 billion, worldwide starvation rates have declined. Hmmmm... :)

Around this time period of late 60's and mid 70's people started to think that larger families might not be the greatest idea. Plenty of other influential revolutions such as the women's revolution, sexual revolution, industrial revolution, and the divorce revolution attributed to this mindset. 

Today, in the U.S. the fertility rate is 2.2. This means that we are barely replacing ourselves. Even more of a shocker is the fertility rate in other countries where the rate is around 1, in which they are not replacing themselves. 

You see, this puts a damper on human capital, rises concerns for retirement plans, shocks the economy, and lacks importance for the fundamental family unit in society!

In conclusion, have children!

If you have any questions... please comment!

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